Healing from the inside out
This is my story of how I went from being beaten down to being my own hero.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia over ten years ago. I had already had three neck surgeries and at the time it felt like a death sentence. I was living with chronic pain and dramatic changes in my body that I felt like I had no control of. When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, something that has no cure, it made me feel as though my life was over.
The truth is life was over for me but not in a literal sense. The life that I used to live or that I tried to live was over. The mental, physical and emotional anguish was so heavy for a long time. I went to numerous doctors who sent me for further testing & pain management and I did a lot of research in an effort to advocate for myself but it was extremely difficult. My “brain fog” impacted my thought process and my body took a toll from the surgeries. Chronic fatigue set in & things started to feel impossible.
During this time I was also married with one child. I searched for so many answers outside of myself but eventually realized through having my second child, and going through my impending divorce that I had to search within. I was on up to 13 medications at one point. I wasn’t myself anymore and was terrified and felt so worthless and broken. I was living in the South Carolina when all of this happened. I knew something had to change. Not only was I having all these health issues but my youngest was having seizures and needing physical therapy due to her torticollis.
I decided to move back to New York where I knew our medical care would be much better. I lost my house that I loved and walked away from so many material things but I knew it all meant nothing compared to my need for making myself & my children the main priority.
When I got back to New York and began my journey it was difficult.
We moved into a small apartment, we had several deaths in our family including our family dog who served as my daughter’s service dog as well as an emotional support to me after I suffered a miscarriage. I believe our dog took on so much for us and him departing was to let us know we were going to make it on our own.
Our dog going to what I believe as Doggie Heaven was one of the most painful things we experienced as a family. He helped us feel safe and brought us so much joy but I knew it was time for me to take things into my own hands, learn to lean on God more and empower myself and my children.
I had been brought up in a religious home going to church but I felt something missing so I went into my soul and started following what felt good to me. I began my spiritual journey two years ago and focused on my healing and self love. I began taking a lot of herbs, changing my nutrition and eventually with the guidance of my medical team, I was able to get off all the medications that were prescribed to me for pain, anxiety and depression. I gained clarity and insight and I fell in love with the process and myself. There were so many dark moments as I exposed the pieces of me that had been wounded but the more I healed and stopped playing peekaboo with the dark parts of my trauma, the better my body started to feel.
The more I healed and loved myself the more I saw my daughters shift in a more enlightened and positive way. The saying is true, “Children do as we do, not as we say.” I began to honor & love myself and heal from doing affirmations, journaling, counseling and mentoring.
I took a good look in the mirror and stopped projecting and began self reflecting. I looked inward which ultimately taught me how to honor myself. The process can feel very lonely and I believe that’s part of the journey. The loneliness brings you to the depths of yourself that need and require a love that only you can give. It took time, strength, patience and a lot of crying to get here. I am 40 years old and for the first time in my life I finally love and honor myself. I started my own business and I do what works for me. I want anyone that reads this to know you are not alone and there is something bigger than you out there rooting for you and available to help you when you call upon it.
Written by: Cynthia
To follow Cynthia on Instagram you can find her at @soul_whispering_healer
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